Thousands of pieces strewn out on an even plain
Just waiting to be connected in their proper place; a race
To complete the big picture while trying to remain sane.
Everything is in front of me, every part of me right in my face
As I start to outline the perimeter, chasing those I know to be straight.
It has never been so difficult and I am losing sleep in the process
Of trying to connect portions of life, attempting to link disjointed days
That turn into months of confusion, strife, and a heap of stress.
The principles of faith that I have grown to know and love seem so far
From the reality that is my world today and raising questions of both why and
Why not; am I to believe the truth of what was taught despite the facts
That I’ve got in my ever-changing plot?
When I think I find the pieces that fit, the border starts to curve and
I realize they are not it. Every bit of progress I thought I would get leads me
Two steps backwards into every wall I hit. All the right that I have done
In my mind is for naught; thinking about the education, volunteer work, and
Service to the ministry all has me distraught; however, I know I didn’t do it
Because it was a payoff I sought…but that would be nice.
In a daze I question who I am and what it all means as I pick up each piece to a
Puzzle that remains the remnants of shattered hopes and dreams.
I used to be so sure and confident in me that others would see and believe
Cockiness was the recipe, that is, until they learned how I was going to be.
Now I cannot find that guy and I have nowhere else to look; some dirty crook
Has stolen the view that was so clear amongst the haze and malaise that used to
Not even begin to phase my gaze.
I’m staring at a thousand pieces of my soul; no longer feeling in control of the
Direction I go in pursuit of the complete and finished image of my reflection
As a whole. No clear place to turn and no clear vision to see,
Edges connected with no filler and piles of mystery consume my space
In the struggle to gain my place in the world around me.
My faith used to be so strong…until something or someone stole my identity.
God, do you still hear me?